2. "Mr. Jarema are you a cannibal?" I'm not even going to give you the train of logic that resulted in that question.
3. Me: "Hey, what's up? You ok?"
Student: "Yeah. I'm just tired."
Me: "Well are you going to get some sleep tonight?"
Student: "Yeah."
Me: "How much sleep did you get last night?"
Student: "Ugh. Well my brother woke me up right when I was in the middle of this dream where I was riding on a train and I then I hijacked the train with a shotgun and I was shooting the shotgun at zombies attacking the train."
4. A student who I don't have runs into my room. "Yes?" I say. She starts stumbling over her words...restarts her sentence a few times...something about the choir teacher next door to me...does she need to grab something for the choir teacher?...supplies? She finally says it: "I think you look like Ryan Gosling. [The choir teacher] had a picture of him on her board and I said it looked like you. [The choir teacher] said I should tell you." She walks out. Um.
5. You know that thing in the Hunger Games? The thing where you hold the three fingers up to your lips then hold the fingers in the air? At an afterschool marching event, a large group of 8th grade students kept doing that to me. No reason, really.
6. Mondays. You can just tell. "I imagined running up to [a page in the trumpet book] and embracing it in the sunset." "It sounds bad, like when Mozart goes to the hospital with a scalpel because Mozart is a surgeon." That was only the first 2 hours of the day.
7. We are working on tone (beautiful sound production on your instrument) in class. I started this joke that instead of "Shark Week" we would do "Tone Week". My 8th graders did that already last year, so I changed it up a bit. "Sharknado" became "Tone-nado" and that's the mascot of this week. The students after class were theorizing what the "Tone-nado" movie would be. Here is what they came up with: "Tone-nado! Starring Matthew McConaughey, Christopher Walken, Shia LaBeouf, Neil Patrick Harris, and Justin Bieber as the guy who wants to end his life and hurls himself at the tone-nado!"
8. A post-concert discussion with 7th graders rapidly deteriorated into a conversation about perfume and bacon in a matter of minutes. Go team.
9. Here's a long one.
The back story: I punked my students with a fake chorale that was actually the chord progression to Jurassic Park. I used it as a warm up for a good two weeks before I stopped the band mid rehearsal and asked them if it sounded familiar. They said no. The (completely bogus) title was the "Johannes P. Williamaise Chorale" (get it...John Williams...and JP = Jurassic Park?) and I was trying to give them a few hints. "Come on guys...JP...what does that stand for?" A kid in front: "Jarema problems!" The class erupts. Me, casually: "Yeah...we should hashtag that or something."
Fast forward to the following:
10. I had the acronym "MSBOA" on the board. "Ok guys, what does it stand for? We went to festival last year so you should know." A few students tried and failed miserably. An 8th grade girl: "Michigan....Science...Biology......*work unintelligible*.......*lots of giggling from around the room*". Not wanting to look like an idiot of a teacher ("What guys? What? What did she say?"), I play it cool and listen to the kids chatter. I overhear one student, "I think she meant organism." Yup. She said it. In my class. Orgasm.
11. One of my really adorable 6th graders: "Mr. Jarema, you have to know me. I'm just violent sometimes."
12. This is how some mornings start at my job. 7:20 am: "Mr. Jarema, do you want to hear our version of the 12 Days of Christmas?" Me in my head: "Do I have a choice?" Me to the students: "Sure?" "On the 1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me...AN APPLE". And you have to imagine this with it: The word "APPLE" was spoken in that gruff Batman voice while the students did the wobble. Did I also happen to mention this was mid-February?"
13. "Mr. Jarema, do you think we have a bromance? My step mom says that we do because she says I talk about you all the time."
14. A trumpet player and a tenor sax player are working together on a composition project. Best title ever: "Donald Trumpet and Tenor Cruz"
15. Student #1: "Krusty Krab pizza..."
Me: "...is the pizza..."
Student #2: "...for you and me!"
All three of us: *looks at each other*
Me: *silent, affirming nob to my fellow spongebob fans*
16. Within the space of one minutes time, my 6th graders went from "oh the slapstick is a cool percussion instrument" to "that slapstick is Mr. Jarema's old girlfriend Bethany". Apparently the slapstick had a few cracks in it so the students thought it was old. I had just made an old joke a few minutes prior. Since me and the slapstick are both old....wait why am I even explaining this again?
17. One of my 8th grade students made it very clear to the class that she was a Republican (this was without any sort of context, might I add). Five minutes later, she would not stop bugging me about the tempo. "It needs to go faster." "This isn't what the tempo says." "We aren't going fast enough." "The tempo says joyous. This tempo isn't joyous." "Tempo." "Tempo." "TEMPO." It got to the point where other students were even telling her to stop. I shut down the class. Me: "If you say 'tempo' one more time, I'm going to build a wall around you and make you pay for it." The other students: "Build the wall! Build the wall!"
4. A student who I don't have runs into my room. "Yes?" I say. She starts stumbling over her words...restarts her sentence a few times...something about the choir teacher next door to me...does she need to grab something for the choir teacher?...supplies? She finally says it: "I think you look like Ryan Gosling. [The choir teacher] had a picture of him on her board and I said it looked like you. [The choir teacher] said I should tell you." She walks out. Um.
5. You know that thing in the Hunger Games? The thing where you hold the three fingers up to your lips then hold the fingers in the air? At an afterschool marching event, a large group of 8th grade students kept doing that to me. No reason, really.
6. Mondays. You can just tell. "I imagined running up to [a page in the trumpet book] and embracing it in the sunset." "It sounds bad, like when Mozart goes to the hospital with a scalpel because Mozart is a surgeon." That was only the first 2 hours of the day.
7. We are working on tone (beautiful sound production on your instrument) in class. I started this joke that instead of "Shark Week" we would do "Tone Week". My 8th graders did that already last year, so I changed it up a bit. "Sharknado" became "Tone-nado" and that's the mascot of this week. The students after class were theorizing what the "Tone-nado" movie would be. Here is what they came up with: "Tone-nado! Starring Matthew McConaughey, Christopher Walken, Shia LaBeouf, Neil Patrick Harris, and Justin Bieber as the guy who wants to end his life and hurls himself at the tone-nado!"
8. A post-concert discussion with 7th graders rapidly deteriorated into a conversation about perfume and bacon in a matter of minutes. Go team.
9. Here's a long one.
The back story: I punked my students with a fake chorale that was actually the chord progression to Jurassic Park. I used it as a warm up for a good two weeks before I stopped the band mid rehearsal and asked them if it sounded familiar. They said no. The (completely bogus) title was the "Johannes P. Williamaise Chorale" (get it...John Williams...and JP = Jurassic Park?) and I was trying to give them a few hints. "Come on guys...JP...what does that stand for?" A kid in front: "Jarema problems!" The class erupts. Me, casually: "Yeah...we should hashtag that or something."
Fast forward to the following:
Yup.
On my white board at school.
One of my favorites.
This was also presented to me as a printed hard copy in class before our concert.
In short: My students need much, much better things to do with their lives.
10. I had the acronym "MSBOA" on the board. "Ok guys, what does it stand for? We went to festival last year so you should know." A few students tried and failed miserably. An 8th grade girl: "Michigan....Science...Biology......*work unintelligible*.......*lots of giggling from around the room*". Not wanting to look like an idiot of a teacher ("What guys? What? What did she say?"), I play it cool and listen to the kids chatter. I overhear one student, "I think she meant organism." Yup. She said it. In my class. Orgasm.
11. One of my really adorable 6th graders: "Mr. Jarema, you have to know me. I'm just violent sometimes."
12. This is how some mornings start at my job. 7:20 am: "Mr. Jarema, do you want to hear our version of the 12 Days of Christmas?" Me in my head: "Do I have a choice?" Me to the students: "Sure?" "On the 1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me...AN APPLE". And you have to imagine this with it: The word "APPLE" was spoken in that gruff Batman voice while the students did the wobble. Did I also happen to mention this was mid-February?"
13. "Mr. Jarema, do you think we have a bromance? My step mom says that we do because she says I talk about you all the time."
14. A trumpet player and a tenor sax player are working together on a composition project. Best title ever: "Donald Trumpet and Tenor Cruz"
15. Student #1: "Krusty Krab pizza..."
Me: "...is the pizza..."
Student #2: "...for you and me!"
All three of us: *looks at each other*
Me: *silent, affirming nob to my fellow spongebob fans*
16. Within the space of one minutes time, my 6th graders went from "oh the slapstick is a cool percussion instrument" to "that slapstick is Mr. Jarema's old girlfriend Bethany". Apparently the slapstick had a few cracks in it so the students thought it was old. I had just made an old joke a few minutes prior. Since me and the slapstick are both old....wait why am I even explaining this again?
17. One of my 8th grade students made it very clear to the class that she was a Republican (this was without any sort of context, might I add). Five minutes later, she would not stop bugging me about the tempo. "It needs to go faster." "This isn't what the tempo says." "We aren't going fast enough." "The tempo says joyous. This tempo isn't joyous." "Tempo." "Tempo." "TEMPO." It got to the point where other students were even telling her to stop. I shut down the class. Me: "If you say 'tempo' one more time, I'm going to build a wall around you and make you pay for it." The other students: "Build the wall! Build the wall!"
No comments:
Post a Comment